Thinking it Through.

I don't even know where to begin. My thoughts are running wild over this topic. I guess I should just start as to how this topic came up.

In our Leadher local chapter (you can find more about Leadher at leadher.org) we had a Christmas Party. I wasn't planning on going. It has been a rough year for me so why would I want to go celebrate everything God has done in my life? Especially when at times I truly feel like He hasn't done much for me this year. I wouldn't have gone if it wasn't for such a sweet friend who truly made me feel like I was wanted there. We did an ornament exchange. When I asked her what my ornament needed to be she simply said something that sums up your year. As I began to think of what to get I headed out to the stores to find the ornament that summed up my year. I began to think about how each lady there would probably have a beautiful ornament and talk about how God was soooo good to them. Yet I just couldn't even think of how I could find an ornament summing me up when I don't feel like anything most days. That was when God laid three simple words on my heart: Think this through. So I began to think back, taking it one month at a time. January brought with it a theme for my church. That we were going to have a year of victory. I was super excited to just look forward and begin to thank God for the victories he would bring not only in my own life but those around me. January started out rough with me. My struggle with depression and feeling unworthy got worse. But I just knew with a year of victories everything would get better. Nothing really stood out in February. I just managed my way through it and yet no victories. But I kept telling myself there was still a whole year ahead. Just because my friends already experienced their victories didn't mean that I wouldn't. March came and I began to attend a life group at church. I became connected to these amazing students and saw their hunger and thirst for the Lord and knew that is what I wanted with my life. So off to spring retreat I went. And at retreat God promised me I would get my victory over depression. That He would free me from it. I came home from retreat so excited and refreshed. So ready to take on the world. But I forgot that while I was in a perfect world at retreat with no distractions that I was coming back into a broken world. As hard as I tried to keep up with good attitude it didn't last long at all. The one major thing I remember in April is being introduced to Leadher. My friend had been suggesting I go since January. Each time she asked I found an excuse not to go. Finally in April I thought maybe just maybe this is what I needed to reach my victories. Throughout the year Kristen had already introduced me to a few of the girls online and I had talked with a couple of them. I finally agreed. That one night changed my life more than I could ever imagine it would. The theme of the month was Weight Loss. We talked about taking the one thing we struggle with and finding an encouragement to get it out of our life. Not knowing most of these women I was asked to share my struggle. I opened myself up and told about how I struggle with not feeling like anything. That I always feel soooo worthless. We then wrote these struggles on a piece of paper and passed it around and each lady wrote a note of encouragement on it. I can tell you that to this day I still read that paper often. That paper reminds me so much that on that day I was given a group of women from God who will walk by me and encourage me no matter what! May came along and it was emotional. I ended a huge chapter of my story. I graduated high school. Graduated still not really knowing what I wanted to do with my life which was struggle enough! June came along with camps. Never before had I been to church camp. I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I went to camp watching so many students getting their victories that even though I received my calling at camp I felt like I was coming away empty handed. Oh what was that calling? Women's Ministry. God laid before me that I was here to serve Him to reach women. To bring them into a deeper relationship with Him and introduce them to His love. Amazing that He showed that to me on a night of camp right? Yet I came home so upset and mad because summer was here and yet still no victory in my life. God had PROMISED me victory over depression and yet it hadn't happened. Not much happened in July. August came along and I grew further from God. September brought in new struggles with my family growing apart. I tried to distract myself from it by serving for our upcoming event Designed For Life. October came and Designed for Life grew closer. I spent so many hours helping to not only get ready and prepare for DFL but also to pray over the ladies and myself attending DFL I was just so sure my victory would be at DFL. The first night of DFL came to an end and yeah it was a great message and time of worship but nothing truly spoke to me or my situation. The next morning came and I was excited. DFL was going to change me that day. I got home close to eleven that night and again nothing. I remember that night talking to a friend about how I didn't even want to go back Saturday morning because God just no longer cared about helping me or giving me a victory. I remember her saying to me Kailee, God's timing is perfect. Tomorrow morning could be the perfect timing for God to speak to you. So I went back the next day. And boy did He speak to me. Telling me how much He would love me and how it was up to me to grasp that promise. So I knew I would. But the weeks followed and I didn't grasp that promise. Or any of His promises. I quit attending church and tried to make my own way for myself. And boy did I fail myself. The same friend that told me God's timing was perfect sent me a birthday gift in October. May I just say it is the most treasured gift I have ever received. Such a beautiful photo that she took with a verse on it. Now may I say that this verse right here has become the ONE promise that I can truly hold onto no matter what. It reads "What's the price of a pet canary? Some loose change, right? And God cares what happens to it even more than you do. He pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail--even numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk. You're worth more than a million canaries." Matthew 10:29-31 (The Message). Then in November this same friend knew someone who had an extra ticket to Fresh Grounded Faith and asked me if I would come. I wasn't sure if God wanted me there but I said why not. And oh my gosh did God want me there. He spoke directly to me about how much I meant to Him. He told me how His love for me would never fail. Even when no one around me loved me or cared that He would. Just the week before I had started going to church with this friend. In the weeks to come God just kept speaking to me and just pouring His love on me. I ran back to Him as fast as I could. So for my ornament I choose a little bird. And I told my Leadher sisters how my year wasn't easy at all. But a friend had came alongside me and introduced me to that verse that I have held so dearly to me. And now here we are in December. Gearing up for Christmas and a new year to look forward to. I was just thinking a few days ago how I hadn't had a victory yet but God hasn't failed me. Last night He showed me I was holding out wanting a huge victory. Which He promises to bring. Just not yet. The timing isn't right. But He showed me the many victories He HAS brought. Even if they are small. Like the fact that I have a friend who is more like a sister to me and that I know will always support me through anything I face. The fact that I have my Leadher sisters who are more than happy to lift me up in prayer and encourage me whenever needed. The fact that I KNOW what my calling is and that I can begin to live it out and work towards it. That I can be happy. Yeah sure maybe He hasn't brought that full victory over depression yet but I am a lot happier than I was just knowing that He will always love me and that I am getting close to that victory. That I am taking steps to improve my walk with God. And I have the victory in knowing that above all things, even when its hard, that I have Lord who died for my sins because that's how great His love was for me.

Designed For Life

So this song has been heavy on my heart tonight. As I continue to pray for God to use me with DFL coming up this song really spoke to me. That if I let God start that fire in passion in me there is NO telling what could happen at DFL. If all of us Designed Sisterhood girls let our passion for Him guide us in this there is no telling how much God can do with this event! I am so excited to see what he does. Around 1:20 in the song it says Let it start right here in this city. I have replaced that with Springfield. I can not wait to see how packing out JQH Arena for three days with Gods precious daughters will FOREVER change this town. So if you wouldn't mind join me in praying over DFL and that each and every girl there will open herself up to be consumed in a passion for Him and that we will change the community around us!

Reformation

In World History we have been learning about the early church and the reformation that Martin Luther started. Looking through all the things that the church was doing at the time upset me greatly. I mean it hurts to see the kind of things the church leaders were doing. I even talked to my teacher about it. Then I got to thinking about how some of the churches are ran today. It breaks my heart. So many of them are focused on things other than God. I am asking all of you to pray for the Church today and ask God to make sure we are following what he wants a church to be like. Thank you!

Hey girls!!!! I am just going to post a verse for today! I feel like this verse means a lot to me right now.

Matthew 7:13-14

Hey girls!

Hey guys! Lately I have been so busy and so far from God! I promise to try and blog once a week from now on! I am working as hard as I can to help you! If you want me to blog about a certain topic let me know!

Jeremiah 29:11

I will also post a verse of the day! Thanks guys!

Being prepared for anything!

Hey guys! It has been quite awhile since I have blogged! I am hoping to get back into this! It has been awhile since I have felt like blogging! I have had quite a ride with God lately. Just got my church membership changed to a church where I am so much happier in! Which excites me! Why? If I love this church I can focus so much more on growing in God and bringing others to God.

Now for the title of my post! I have come across an amazing quote that has made me want to blog again. This is kind of directed to girls but my little blog isn't! =]

"Give a girl the correct footwear and she can conquer the world." ~Bette Midler~

Why do I love this quote so much? There is many reasons but I will narrow it down to just a few!

1. Some one finally believes in us women around here!!! It is so great when people encourage women to go out and change the world around them if they don't like it. I know each and everyone of you reading this has once thought man I can do something to make this world better or even make a difference in your community. But has someone discouraged you because you are a girl? Well do not let that ever happen again! With God's help you can do it! I know I am struggling with a few decisions right now but God is helping me through it so much!
2. Preparation! Being prepared is key! How can you prepare? Each and every one of us needs what I call my special time! My special time is when I find my favorite spot and get comfy and spend time with God. I have learned the more time I have spent with him the more special he makes me feel! I just love him so much.

So remember no matter who you are or what your dream is you can achieve it. Always be prepared! You never know when God is going to give you the opportunity to do something amazing in your life or others! Thanks for reading and I love you guys so much! Follow me please!

Kailee Elaine

Eye Opener.

So this week has been a bit difficult for me! You guys all know that I had my surgery. I did end up getting a dry socket which is painful. I have had some other things come up too and so I feel like God is pulling me in a 100 different directions. The one thing that God laid infront of me is one simple word. Always. Always. He has Always loved us. He Always will love us. He has Always been here for us and yes you guessed it. He always will. So as we go out through the rest of this week lets remember that no matter what we are NEVER alone! I mean it! And if you guys ever need anything message me or hit me up on facebook! Or emails. I read them! So work on your walk with God this weekend!

Kailee Elaine